


Take Me To Church

by sharedwithyou



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath, Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Blood, Blood Drinking, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Blood and Torture, Consensual Violence, F/M, Heavy Angst, Heavy Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Loki Has Issues, Loki Needs a Hug, No sex though, Past Abuse, Psychological Torture, Reader-Insert, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Sacrifice, Torture, Triggers, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 00:50:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3270572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic for Hozier</p><p>“I have asked your forgiveness over and over. Why do you continue to torment me? And yourself?”<br/>“Torment? Does this not please you?” you hissed in your mind as you slammed the chains around your wrists against the floor, one at a time.<br/>“You know my answer.” Loki’s voice filled with anger.<br/>“From the way you have treated me. No, loved me. I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. This is how I return your favor.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Me To Church

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This is a very dark fic. You have been warned. There are so many possible triggers in this, please don't read if there's even a small possibility it might have a negative effect on you.
> 
> Not for the faint of heart. At all. Please read all the tags. There is blood, violence, torture, aftermath and a lot of other not fun things.
> 
> There is however, no sex. This isn't torture porn, and it isn't about anyone getting turned on or sexual pleasure. If that's what you're looking for you won't find it here.
> 
> This is about twisted love and pain. It's the darkest fic I've written, and I'm quite proud of it. I tried to bring some beauty amidst the the graphic.
> 
> Give me some love in the comments if you liked it.
> 
> Fic experience may be very enhanced if read while listening to Hozier's lovely piece.

 

The stage was set. In the low lights, a shadowy figure hung from the ceiling. Loki’s eyes widened as he peered through his glass walls.

The spotlight opened on your body. You were suspended with a metal cuff around your neck as a noose, your eyes staring glassily at him.

 

“(Y/N).” He whispered your name with a tinge of fear in his voice. You wouldn’t let this happen to you… would you?

The metal bars around your cage were rusty with age. It couldn’t be blood.

He cringed at the thought of you lifeless. He knew you would be, save for your one arm pulling against the chain attached to your collar.

 

“Loki.” You allowed your gaze to focus in on him as your face broke into a bitter smile.

 

_My lover's got humor. She's the giggle at a funeral_

 

“Please, (y/n). Don’t.” Imagine the God of Lies begging for you. For your mercy.

You yanked against the chain again and it clattered, before it you dropped you several feet to the ground. You were about to begin your deathly dance.

“This is for you, my Lord. Like a sacrifice.”

This is what you wanted, wasn’t it? A slave. For you. Well I’m giving you what you wanted.

 

Loki heard your thoughts. “Why won’t you forgive me?” He had long since given up speaking aloud, save for a few moments when he could not help himself. “I have asked your forgiveness over and over. Why do you continue to torment me? And yourself?”

“Torment? Does this not please you?” you hissed in your mind as you slammed the chains around your wrists against the floor, one at a time.

“You know my answer.” Loki’s voice filled with anger.

“From the way you have treated me. No, loved me _. I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies._ This is how I return your favor.”

The outward silence was deafening compared to the fiery passion between your thoughts.

“Please, (y/n).” Loki begged you once more.

 

_Knows everybody's disapproval. I should've worshipped her sooner._

“I offer you this dance, as a sign of my gratitude. For all you have done for me. For all you have been for me.” So you began.

 

You swung around the cage with both hands gripped around the chain at your neck. You kicked into the air, the shackles around your ankles dragging against the ground. You bent one knee as you stopped yourself with one foot, pressed against a bar of the cage.

“No. Please, no.” Loki urged, unable to tear his eyes from you.

“You know you want this.” You breathed into his ear.

“ _I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife_.”

 

You spun away from him as you wrapped the chains around your leg, twisting against the link, before pulling yourself to hang by one ankle in the air.

 

_Get something shiny._

Pulling a dagger from where it was strapped around your waist, you traced a swirl like a snake against your thigh. You exhaled sharply with the pain.

 

“Stop it.” Loki buried his face in his hands. His voice was full of regret.

 

_If the heavens ever did speak. She's the last true mouthpiece._

He had abused you with his twisted love. Drawn delight from the sight of you shattered at his feet.

 

_Good God, let me give you my life._

 

He tried in vain for his healing blue glow to reach you. But you had shut him out long ago. His magic had lost all its hold upon you. You had broken away from his power; developed a tolerance. For pain as well, evidently.

 

“What are you doing, Your Worship?” You taunted him with the blood dripping along your leg. “Is this not what you like to see?” You had been battered and bruised at his hands. This was his punishment. Both of you knew that.

 

You carved another swirl opposite the first, forming an infinity sign. “Forever. I would be at your side forever. Isn’t that what you demanded? What you promised?”

The skin around the mark was smooth. It should’ve been mottled with pinched pink scars from the times you had performed this dance of death for him. You had allowed him to heal your wounds after each performance, if only to provide a fresh canvas for each inevitable return. Like he had done after he had fallen from his rule. Sobbing on his knees, begging for your forgiveness at your crumpled body.

_That's a fine looking high horse  
What you got in the stable?_

“You had seen me twisted and broken so many times before, My Lord. What changed that time?”

Loki shuddered.

“I finally learned the fear I should have known so long ago. I was going to treat you with the utmost kindness afterward. You know that. You knew I was going to cherish you like the treasure you always were to me.”

He moaned wretchedly, unable to keep it inside any longer. “You know that.” There was a desperation to those words. He needed you to understand the truth.

 

Unfortunately, you did.

 

_No Masters or Kings When the Ritual begins._

 

You writhed against the chains, leaving red marks not unlike the ones Loki had given you not too long ago. You wanted him to remember. Every hand he raised against you. Every bruise he had given you, in his love. This was how you made him understand.

 

You let yourself fall from your current position. The chains strained against you until they tore through your skin. Loki fell to his knees, crying out. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” He wasn’t sure how much more he could take; watching the only woman he had ever loved destroying herself. He was powerless before you, unable to stop you.

 

“If only you had stopped yourself then.” The words burned into his mind.

 

You crawled to the bars and reached through the glass, stopping just past the wrist. Loki scrambled to you, cradling your hand. You felt his tears sting against the open wounds. He tried again to heal you, but you refused his spells once more. You were the master in this cage.

 

“Drink, my Lord.” You pressed your offering towards him as he shook his head violently.

“ _Something meaty for the main course.”_

The tears poured down his face as he pressed his lips against your fingers, trying in vain to give you the love he always had for you. You looked at him impassively without receiving.

“ _That looks tasty. That looks plenty. This is hungry work_.”

He knew you would not stop until he had done what you asked. Still, he resisted, his heart breaking. He howled your name as he suddenly slammed his palms against the barrier.

 

You did not dignify his reaction with any response.

 

_To keep the Goddess on my side, she demands a sacrifice._

 

You lifted your dagger once more as a warning. He continued pounding against the glass, his hands red from the pressure. Unyielding.

In turn, you dragged the knife against your forearm, just out of his reach. The gash opened, as the blood gushed out, spurting droplets across your face. He screamed, curling his fingers into fists and punching the wall. As your blood ran, his knuckles began bruising; turning a light green first, then purple.

 

You looked at his hands with pity. “It is not the wall you should be punching, is it, Your Highness?” He closed his eyes, dropping his forehead against the glass. “I would offer you my body, but as you can see, I’m a bit inconvenienced.” He was gnashing his teeth; you could see where he had bitten through the skin of his lips.

 

“You are hurting yourself, My Lord. We cannot have that, now can we?” You raised your knife again.

“If My Lord is suffering, we must return our own pain as double. _We've a lot of starving faithful_.”

“No!” He shouted, full of anguish.

 

“Then drink. _Only then I am Human. Only then I am Clean_.” Your voice had a sadistic edge. He knew that the only thing keeping you from enjoying this, was that you loved him too. Despite it all, despite everything that had happened, that he had done, you loved him. You knew you were hurting him, and with that, you were hurting yourself. But you did not stop.

“ _Drain the whole sea_.”

 

He looked at the scene with disgust, but he knew what he had to do to end this. You were tracing the blade against your throat now. He did not want you to slice your own throat; he knew you would do it, too. He had learned the hard way.

 

Shaking, he lifted your wrist to his lips. The corners of your mouth curled up with malice. Quickly, so he would not stop himself once more, he tipped his head back and filled his mouth with your life-force. You bowed to the floor in gratitude as he choked on the warm, metallic liquid sliding down his throat.

 

_Every Sunday's getting more bleak. A fresh poison each week._

You rocked back, with your arms around your knees. Your blood smeared across your body; you took no notice. “ _Take me to church_ , Loki. Let me kneel evermore in your presence.” He could not help himself from spitting the rest out, and red spattered across the clear surface.

You took this as a sign of displeasure and extended your hand towards him some more.

“Is that not enough My Lord? What more do you require of me?”

 

He backed away, swearing at himself. “Perhaps you could _offer me that deathless death_?” you drawled.

 

Indeed he had considered it. Taking your life so you could not do this to yourself anymore. He knew you would let him, too.As a last sign of your unwavering faith, contorted as his soul had been.

He knew, though, it was partly of selfish intent; so he could free himself from these visions of his one true love completely mutilated. And after everything he had done to you, he would not allow himself to take you of your last freedom. He had taken too much of it already.

 

“ _Good God, let me give you my life._ ” He was almost inaudible. You let a sweet smile grace your features. You felt appeased.

 

“ _Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen._ ”

The chains around you disappeared, save for the cuff around your neck. On final reminder of what he had done. You tilted your head at him, as if silently asking him if you should keep it on.

 

_In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene_

“ _I was born sick_.” Loki beseeched you to take it off.

 

“ _But I love it_.” The cuff dissolved into empty air. You walked through the bars of the cage easily. Loki’s eyes followed you as you walked past his prison.

 

_My Church offers no absolutes_

 

Hours later, when he was on the verge of delirium, a guard appeared, carrying you. Loki narrowed his eyes at the man in suspicion, but drew closer at the sight of your body.

 

“Lady (Y/N) requested she be placed here once she lost consciousness.” The guard eyed your body with distaste.

“She refused all healing. Said it was only to be done at your hands, and only after she was unconscious.”

He passed your body through the glass, and Loki rushed to receive you. His hands immediately began to work along the length of you, inches from your skin, stopping only when his vision was too blurred to continue.His hands gripped the floor as bawled, whispering your name over and over.

 

You opened your eyes as his head came into focus. You couldn’t see his face as it was downcast; he had not noticed you had awoken.                                                                                        

“ _'We were born sick, ' you heard them say it._ ” Your dry tone was punctuated with the parchedness in your voice. Loki looked up immediately, and his glow returned. He finished healing you, this time with no resistance. His hands dropped to his sides when he was done. He was afraid to touch you.

 

Silence reigned between the two of you as you lay there. He longed to tell you he loved you. But he did not. He had a lifetime of sins to answer to before he could utter the words. Before he deserved to offer himself to you.

 

“ _Command me to be well_ , Lord.” He looked at you in surprise, unable to believe you in the slightest. Your face showed complete resignation. You must have been tired of this charade as well.

 

“No commandments. Only pleas. My love.” He gasped out, the fear overtaking his voice. He wanted nothing more than for you to be better. But he knew he did not deserve to have you back. To have you whole. He deserved whatever broken self you offered him.

_If I'm a pagan of the good times  
My lover's the sunlight_

 

“I’m tired, Loki.” You reached towards him.

“Rest, my love. Rest.” He lifted you into his arms, conjuring a bed for you two.

 

“No. My bed.” And with that you were both in your room.

 

_There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin_

 

He gaped at you; he had not been ordered to be released.

“I’ll deal with them later.” Your voice was laced with drowsiness.

He approached you tentatively, to brush your hair from your face. When you did not flinch at his touch, he pressed his bruised hands against your face, then your shoulders, then all along your body. You did not push him away; instead, you leaned into his touch.

“I’m no god, (y/n). _The only heaven I'll be sent to, Is when I'm alone with you_ —“

 

You smiled a small, sad smile. You felt his lips grace your cheek softly; you smelled his salty tear-stained face. You buried your face in his chest as his arms grasped you, with all his need and guilt and despair.

 

_She tells me, 'Worship in the bedroom.' Amen._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry my lovelies!! Well i'm not because it was an awesome fic to write, but i am sorry if your heart hurts right now. if it makes you feel better, it's supposed to. if you are strangely turned on... well to each their own i guess?
> 
> leave me some love if you liked!
> 
> some ramblings for those inclined to know more about my thoughts:
> 
> I got my inspiration for this "dance of death" from my love for the aerial arts. i hope i was able to illustrate the choreography a little~ it was quite difficult, but i think it turned out pretty well.
> 
> the italics are the lyrics. if there are quotes around it, it means the characters are saying it. 
> 
> i had used about 80% of the lyrics when i decided i wanted every line in there. took a while to get them all in without it sounding choppy. hope you liked it.
> 
> obviously lovely has powers. hence reaching through the glass and the chains disappearing and all that. and also refusing the heals.
> 
> I really really really appreciate comments. it's a bit discouraging when there's like 300 hits and some kudos (so i know my work isn't complete shit) but no one says anything. talk to me my lovelies! i spend a lot of effort on these, and even a few words are really encouraging.


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